dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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