The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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