If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
