Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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