saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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