Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Your tits are I can't wait for
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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