Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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