I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
