I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
