When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
