we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
whose parrot is this?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
