Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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