that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
