know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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