____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I supernannyed him into submission
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
