I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
