Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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