I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
