you guys were way drunker than both of me
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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