Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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