you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Your cock deserves a montage
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
