omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
