Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Help me help you realize you are a moron
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
