i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
