well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
