No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
