6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
