meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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