it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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