So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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