Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
