Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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