i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
