apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
