hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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