Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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