he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
