Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
