My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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