you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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