Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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