remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
