Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
