i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
