I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
