Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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