please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
