why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
