i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
