I'm really into asian looking animals
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
